“Thou shalt not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people. but thou shalt “love thy fellow as thyself-  I am God.”

The second part of this verse - “love thy fellow as thyself” - is often quoted, but the first part of it is often neglected, making the second part a beautiful but impractical idea.  For how can there be any love in the heart, when the heart is filled with a desire for vengeance, or even bears a grudge?

What is vengeance and what is bearing a grudge?  Our Sages give the following illustration to explain these two feelings:   If a man says, “I will not lend you the tool you request because you refused to lend me one before” - that is vengeance. If a man says “I will lend you the tool, although you refused me the same favour when I asked you for it” - that is bearing a grudge.

In Tanach, we have some striking examples of true forgiveness. Joseph had been treated very badly by his brothers, and he suffered for many years as a result, yet when they met again and they were in his power, he treated them with affection, love and devotion, as if they had never done him any wrong.  David in his youth, had been unjustly persecuted by King Saul.  David had rendered great services to King Saul and to the Jewish people.  He had killed the Philistine giant Goliath, had often soothed the melancholy mood of the king by playing the harp, and was the king's own son-in-law.  Yet King Saul attempted to kill him in a fit of Jealousy, drove him into exile, and hunted him relentlessly, intent upon killing him.  When the opportunity arose David to rid himself of his unjust enemy once and for all, David showed that his noble character left no room for either vengeance or a grudge.  It happened when David was hiding in a cave that cut deep into the mountain side, while King Saul was in hot pursuit.  King Saul feeling very tired and seeing the cave, lay down to rest at its entrance, not bothering to investigate the interior of the deep cave.  He fell asleep unprotected.  David could easily have slain King Saul and taken over the throne that had been waiting for him.  Yet all he did was to cut off a corner of Saul's royal mantle and with that in his hand he slipped by the sleeping king.  From a safe distance on the opposite hill across the valley he called to the sleeping king and awoke him.

He waved the piece of the royal coat as proof of how completely the king had been at his mercy, and pleaded with the king to make peace with him.

In order to achieve mastery over one's nature, especially in relationships with other persons who might be arrogant and unscrupulous, it is necessary to cultivate and engrave upon one's mind the idea of Divine Providence.  It is one of the basic principles of our way of life to know and remember that God's Providence extends to each and everyone and to every detail in one's daily life. If I stumble over a stone and hurt myself, I will not bear a grudge against the stone.  I will realise that it was coming to me for some reason or other, best Known to God.  Similarly, if a person offends me or hurts me, I must remember that for some reason best Known to the Creator and Master of the World, the pain inflicted upon me, however “unjustly”, was coming to me and that the one who caused it was only a tool in the hands of Providence- Needless to say, this does not mean that the offender will surely pay for his wickedness. Nor does it mean that I must not seek compensation under the law for damages inflicted upon me.  But after all is said and done, there must not be any personal animosity in my heart against my brother who willingly or inadvertently offended me.

Only the person who is truly humble before God, the person who knows, and is always conscious of the fact that God is the real Master of the world only such a person can achieve the noble character of true forgiveness, suffice it to remember how often one offends God, yet one continually asks for forgiveness and expects not only complete forgiveness, but also many favours in returns

It may not be easy to live up to the commandment “Thou shalt not take vengeance nor bear a grudge”. But like all other commandments of the Torah which God would not have given us if we were incapable of fulfilling them; so it is with this. God surely Knows our capacities and weaknesses.  The fact that He commands us to rid our hearts of any feelings of vengeance and grudge-bearing, shows that we are capable of doing it.  It only requires an effort, and our Sages have assured us that 'Nothing stands in the way of the will and determination.